Ruth (The Regulator)

I am Ruth the Regulator. I am addicted to cough mixture and Sip-lax. The Sip-lax makes me really edgy, but there’s nothing a glass of cough mix can’t fix.

As a government regulator, you have to get my approval to sell anything that even looks like medicine. And if you want to sell the Fountain of Youth then you better come and see me first… I am the gateway to your success.

Of course nothing in life comes for free, especially if you don’t want the approval process to take 20 years. But for a ‘fee’ we can speed things up… I’m here to help you, but we’ll keep it hush hush.

In all honesty I believe that people are inadequate. The human race is declining… it’s depressing… but nothing that stacks of cough mix and Sip-lax can’t fix.